We all experience stress. But when you’re dealing with the emotional roller coaster of infertility on top of normal life stressors, it can often feel downright overwhelming.

When you feel stressed, it causes a physical reaction. The body responds to stress in three different ways: physically, mentally, and emotionally. And as we all know, stress is a normal (and unavoidable) part of life.

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Stress is a Natural Part of Life

Even positive events in your life can cause stress. For example, buying a new home or getting your dream job. Fortunately, regardless of whether your stress stemmed from a positive or negative circumstance, the human body is built to respond to it. This is exactly why our bodies have a “fight or flight” response. 

But when we’re dealing with chronic stress (for example, due to infertility), it’s important to learn how to manage it in a healthy way to avoid its negative side effects and maintain balance and wellbeing. 

The term ‘stress’ refers to the response of the sympathetic nervous system to a triggering event. The body naturally releases hormones (such as adrenaline) into the bloodstream, resulting in the “fight or flight” reaction. This physiological response helps us become more alert, motivated, and ready to respond to real or perceived danger.

Have you ever felt your heart race or your breath quicken? How about when your face gets flushed or your hands get sweaty? This is all part of the body’s normal and healthy response to stress. However, when stress becomes a constant presence in your life, it can have a negative effect on your body.

At some point in your quest to grow your family, it’s likely that you have felt stressed (probably a major understatement). It’s natural to be sad or upset that you aren’t pregnant yet, especially when you’d hoped (or expected) that it would be easy. It’s also normal to feel frustrated that you even had to seek out fertility treatment.

Every fertility journey has its ups and downs. That’s why it’s often described as a roller coaster of emotions. Again, it’s not that all stress is bad – it’s a normal part of life. However, long-term chronic stress is what can lead to additional problems. 

That being said, does stress decrease your chances of getting pregnant? The quick answer is maybe – but not in the way you might think. Studies have shown that patients struggling with infertility have similar rates of depression and anxiety as patients who suffer from other serious medical conditions like heart disease or cancer.

Here’s the connection:

Chronic stress can lead to depression, anxiety, and other health issues, and the more depressed and anxious you are in treatment, the more likely you are to discontinue that treatment.

It’s less about stress directly correlating with your success and more about it negatively affecting your mental health, which can ultimately impact your willingness to continue riding the fertility roller coaster.

While you can’t necessarily control the experience of fertility treatment, you can control your emotional response to it. The goal of managing stress is to try and elicit the “relaxation response” to counteract fight or flight mode. It’s not a specific technique – it simply describes the internal changes that occur when the mind becomes calm.

This response leads to a decrease in heart rate, breathing rate, and muscle tension, and causes oxygen rates to fall below resting levels. This, in turn, decreases the adverse physical and psychological effects of chronic stress.

Note: Several scientific studies by Herbert Benson and colleagues at Harvard Medical School’s Division of Behavioral Health have shown the benefits on your body when eliciting the relaxation response.

How to practice:

There are many methods to elicit the relaxation response including visualization, progressive muscle relaxation, energy healing, acupuncture, massage, breathing techniques, prayer, meditation, tai chi, qi gong, and yoga. 

Find the Tools that Work for You

The good news is that there are many ways to manage stress, it’s just a matter of finding what works best for you. Sometimes, it’s as simple as reconnecting to something that helped in the past, like going for long walks or journaling. 

Other times, it’s being open to trying something new like starting a backyard garden or joining a support group. It can also be a combination of both! Equipping yourself with multiple resources can only help you on your journey. 

Did you know? Here at Illume Fertility, we offer free weekly Fertile Yoga classes which have been shown to reduce stress and anxiety in fertility patients. 

Many fertility patients find that their energy becomes depleted during treatment due to various factors such as hormonal medications or the stress of managing continuous appointments, procedures, and tests.

You may not feel like your normal self right now – and that’s okay!

#2 Find a Fertility Friend or Support Group

Illume Fertility offers free, ongoing support groups as does RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association. Support groups are a safe place to vent, talk about how you’re really doing, and hear from others who can relate.

Social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram also have welcoming, active fertility communities that can help you find new friends by connecting you to others who truly understand what you’re going through.

If you’re comfortable being open about your fertility journey, you will likely also find that many of your friends and family members have gone through similar challenges while trying to conceive. Sharing our struggles often reveals just how common these issues are.

#3 Get to Know Yourself Again

Ask yourself a few questions:

• What are some activities I really enjoy?
• What are my hobbies or interests? 
• Who’s in my support network?
• How have I handled stress in the past?

While there is no one-size-fits-all method of coping with stress, taking some time to slow down and learn about yourself will help you create a personalized self-care plan that really works for you and your personality.

#4 Remember: It’s Okay to Take Breaks

Whether “taking a break” looks like avoiding fertility accounts on social media for awhile or setting aside a full weekend with a “no TTC talk” rule with your partner, taking some time to reconnect with your interests and life outside of fertility treatment can be incredibly restorative.

Tip: Think about exploring things you once enjoyed that may have taken a backseat due to treatment, like painting, crafting, volunteering, reading, or other activities. 

#5 Practice Breath Work

When you’re feeling stressed, that “fight or flight” mode often kicks in and causes you to breathe more shallowly. Deep breathing can help you recenter yourself, slow down your heart rate, and lower anxiety.

We recommend you find some breathing exercises that feel good to you (for example, box breathing or diaphragmatic breathing) or download an app for some guided breath work.

Some of our favorite meditation and mindfulness apps:

#6 Find a Mantra 

Similar to breath work, you can practice repeating a mantra to calm your mind and focus in on your goals. Here’s a guided video to help you create and practice your first fertility mantra.

#7 Reach Out for Support

At Illume Fertility, we have a unique resource: a dedicated Patient Advocate, Lisa Rosenthal, who offers free, one-on-one fertility support to anyone on a fertility journey. Ask your Patient Navigator to connect you or email Lisa directly for a listening ear.

Remember to rely on your physician and Care Team for medical advice instead of turning to the internet (AKA Dr. Google). Your team will be able to provide tailored advice and support and address any questions or concerns with your specific case in mind.

#9 Seek Out a Therapist

A good therapist can provide you with professional guidance and a safe space as you manage the tangled mess of emotions infertility and fertility treatment bring up.

Illume Fertility has built an extensive network of vetted psychological counselors that offer virtual and in-person sessions. Ask your Patient Navigator anytime for more information about our counseling network.

Building a mental health “toolbox” is an incredibly helpful way to ensure your self-care resources are close at hand for difficult days. You can do this by creating a list on your phone, putting items (like a stress ball or favorite candle) in a physical box, or whatever works best for you.

A few suggestions on what to add to your toolbox – we encourage you to include any items or ideas that will help calm and center you:

• Photos of loved ones
• Encouraging notes from friends or family
• Positive affirmations or mantras
• Meditation or relaxation apps
• A playlist of your favorite songs
• Phone numbers of people you trust
• Sensory toys or coloring books

#11 Recognize Infertility as a Life Crisis

The emotional and physical toll of infertility cannot be understated.

Acknowledging the sadness, disappointment, and stress associated with infertility is an important step in the process. Infertility is a big deal, and there is nothing “wrong” with you if you’re struggling to accept or navigate it. By recognizing the true impact of infertility, you allow yourself the space to process it.

Be gentle with yourself.