Narcissism is a pattern of behavior characterized by excessive self-importance, a lack of empathy for others, a constant need for admiration and attention, and an inability to handle criticism in a healthy way. Narcissists can be easy to fall in love with because they don’t initially display their worst traits. Over time, though, narcissistic abuse can become more commonplace. One common warning sign is repetitive gaslighting. 

“Gaslighting is when someone tries to convince you that their reality is real and yours is not,” psychotherapist Cynthia LaForte, LCSW, tells mbg. “It can feel like control and manipulation because it is, but it’s in service of the person doing the gaslighting.” She adds that it can feel like one person is always right and the other is always wrong.

A gaslighter needs to exert their own reality onto others because acknowledging that someone else could be having an experience that is different from theirs is too threatening. They may attempt to “sow seeds of doubt within the victim, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity,” says licensed counselor Candace Kotkin-De Carvalho, LSW, LCADC, CCS, CCTP.

Narcissist gaslighting involves a narcissistic person using gaslighting tactics to bolster their ego or sense of superiority over others. “Gaslighting is a way to gain a narcissistic supply from someone,” LaForte explains. A narcissistic supply is attention—negative or positive—that a narcissist thrives upon for validation and self-importance. 

Moreover, narcissists need their reality to be true—and true for everyone—because their sense of self is too fragile to invite even the possibility of a different experience than their own, explains LaForte.