Does all of this take more effort than sitting there waiting for your dream friends to show up like UPS packages? Yes. Is that scary because there might be rejection or disappointment? Yes.

But often the only way for things to be different is for us to start doing things differently, and putting all that we’re learning into practice. So many of us are working so hard on ourselves; we’re going to therapy, we’re reading books on attachment and trauma and connection (I mean, hi, you’re right here, good job). 

Since I was a kid I have wanted to untangle all of these knots, wound up like shitty headphones, so I can just lay in the grass and listen to a song I really love. And yes, it is frustrating to get those knots out, and yes, you can want to give up, and you do give up sometimes.

But once we untangle them, bit by bit, that’s when we get to move on to joy. And maybe we’ll remember how hard it was to untangle the knots, but I think, more than anything, we will be more preoccupied with how happy we are with what we have now that we did the work. 

Excerpt from the new book YOU WILL FIND YOUR PEOPLE: HOW TO MAKE MEANINGFUL FRIENDSHIPS AS AN ADULT by Lane Moore published by Abrams Image