After years of trying to conceive, pregnancy loss, and uncertainty, a fertility warrior shares the incredible story of how her rainbow baby came to be and what she learned along the way.

In this article:

They were married in the fall of 2018, and adopted their “fur child,” a dog named Kloey, in the summer of 2019. They both longed to be parents and raise a family together, making the decision to start trying to conceive in August 2020.

After stopping birth control, the couple was surprised to find themselves pregnant by mid-October. Sadly, that first pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage at seven weeks.

They were devastated.

Kate’s doctor instructed her to take misoprostol, a medication used to manage a miscarriage and help the body pass a non-viable pregnancy. Unfortunately, the first dose wasn’t effective, and neither was the second, which meant that Kate would have to undergo a surgical procedure called dilation and curettage (D&C) to resolve the miscarriage and help her body begin to recover.

After the procedure, Kate didn’t get a period for months, so she scheduled an appointment at her OB/GYN to figure out why she wasn’t ovulating regularly.

As the doctor scanned her uterus and ovaries via ultrasound, Kate’s ovaries appeared polycystic (meaning each ovary had multiple fluid-filled sacs). Her OB/GYN thought that she might have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), but felt she could rule the condition out after reviewing Kate’s bloodwork.

Even so, Kate’s ovaries remained polycystic, and she most likely wasn’t ovulating. Her doctor eventually referred her to Illume Fertility for further evaluation, where her diagnosis of PCOS was confirmed.

“I’d never heard of PCOS or polycystic ovaries, and it was really overwhelming,” Kate recalls. “I had already become a 1 in 4 statistic after my miscarriage, and I couldn’t believe I was now part of another new club – joining the ranks of the 1 in 5 U.S. women who experience infertility.”

Worst club, best members: A common phrase used by those in the fertility community who have learned to navigate the pain of fertility challenges by connecting with others who know what they are going through – providing endless support and encouragement to each other.

Kate and her husband began their journey at Illume Fertility with Dr. Shaun Williams as their primary doctor. “He was very confident that I wouldn’t need IVF – that I just needed some medical intervention to help me ovulate,” Kate says.

After meeting with Dr. Williams and discussing their concerns and goals, the couple moved on to their next step – blood work and diagnostic testing.

Step 1: Fertility Testing

As Kate moved through the standard set of diagnostic fertility tests, her saline ultrasound revealed some leftover scar tissue in her uterus from the prior D&C. This discovery led to a follow-up surgical procedure called a hysteroscopy.

This procedure removed the residual scar tissue, and thankfully, ended up being successful – Kate finally got her period back. However, she still wasn’t ovulating due to her polycystic ovaries, which meant she’d need some additional medical intervention to ovulate.

Step 2: Medicated Cycles

After completing their diagnostic work-up, Kate and her husband were directed to begin a cycle of timed intercourse with fertility medication to help boost their odds of conceiving.

Unfortunately, after a couple of medicated cycles, they’d had no luck, so Dr. Williams moved on to the next level of treatment: intrauterine insemination (IUI).

Step 3: IUI Treatment

The couple had three unsuccessful IUI cycles. They prepared for an IUI cycle that was canceled after Kate contracted COVID. Yet another IUI cycle was canceled due to her body producing too many eggs.

“Too many eggs is apparently a bad thing, who knew?” Kate says. “That IUI cycle being canceled really brought me down, because I felt like I would be missing my opportunity to become a parent. Ultimately, I trusted that Illume’s doctors had my best interest at heart.”

Paying for Fertility Treatment

Affording care can be a major stressor for patients who don’t have insurance (or have insurance plans that don’t cover needed treatments. Thankfully, Kate’s insurance plan did offer some fertility coverage. “I was lucky that insurance covered the first three IUI cycles,” she says. “But my fourth IUI was self pay.”

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Credit: Image by Jess Photography

In the two-week wait period during their fourth IUI cycle, Kate and her husband had an IVF consult, knowing that would be the next step should IUI fail again. But the couple always felt they had agency over what happened next.

“Dr. Williams never pressured me into IVF, he simply gave me the information,” Kate recalls. “I really felt like my opinions mattered and were heard, particularly when he supported us doing a fourth IUI cycle, versus going straight to IVF.”

Giving It One Last Try

Kate referred to this fourth and final IUI cycle as the “Hail Mary” round – her last shot at conceiving before entering the world of IVF treatment. What she didn’t realize at the time was that the date of her last IUI (August 22, 2022) was also National Rainbow Baby Day. 

“I’d been looking for a sign that a cycle would be successful, and never found one,” Kate says. “But this one was right in front of my face!”

Thankfully, that final IUI cycle was successful, and the couple was elated to find out that they were expecting. But with that immense joy came a lot of anxiety, Kate admits. As with most pregnancy after loss experiences, it was difficult for her to push aside all the worries and what ifs. 

“I didn’t realize that my last IUI was on National Rainbow Baby Day until I was almost through my first trimester of pregnancy,” Kate admits. “When I did, it gave me so much hope that I would soon be meeting my Rainbow Baby.”

After years of infertility and loss, Kate tried to be proactive during fertility treatment, finding ways to release stress, boost endorphins, and connect with others. Here are a few things she found helpful throughout her journey:

• Leaning on friends and family who listened without judgment
• Working out on her Peloton bike and treadmill
• Doing meditations for relaxation
• Regular acupuncture sessions

“Those Peloton instructors saved my sanity and helped me cope with life,” Kate says. “Exercising is my version of therapy – both mentally and physically.” 

On Forgiving Yourself 

“The guilt and shame I carried for so long about my body failing me was one of the hardest parts of infertility,” Kate shares. “It took me a long time to forgive myself for my miscarriage and for my fertility problems. But I know I didn’t choose infertility, infertility chose me.”

Feelings of inadequacy, shame, or guilt are quite common for many fertility patients, who are regularly bombarded with messages and unhelpful “advice” that places the burden on them – rather than acknowledging the total lack of control most have over their fertility issues. 

Being surrounded by others who are seemingly conceiving quickly and easily can be another heartbreaking aspect of this process, as Kate quickly discovered.

“At one point, I had seven pregnant friends,” she recalls. “I was genuinely happy for them, but the pain and sadness I had for myself was something that words cannot even begin to explain.”

Living with all of the unknowns of the process was also exceptionally tough, she adds. 

One of the most important ways to set yourself up for success is to establish a trusted circle of friends and family who can listen and support you when needed. “Don’t navigate this journey by yourself, even if your spouse or partner is supportive,” she says. “It’s too heavy.”

2. Find Your People

If you’re feeling isolated, connect with other fertility warriors through support groups or on social media who are also going through infertility. “To this day, I still message with one friend that I connected with on Instagram during our fertility journeys,” Kate says. 

3. Protect Your Peace

“It’s okay to say no when invited to a friend’s baby shower or a child’s birthday party,” she advises. “Protect your peace, because your emotional wellbeing is far more important than your attendance at an event that may trigger you.”

Credit: Image by Jess Photography

The couple’s long-awaited rainbow baby, a little girl named Autumn, was born on May 11, 2023. They are fully embracing first-time parenthood and enjoying every new milestone with their daughter, and aren’t currently planning to add more children to their family.

“We feel so lucky to have one healthy child, and we thank Illume Fertility for helping us get her here,” Kate says. “But we are one and done!”

1. Tell us about you! Any background info (i.e. where you’re from, how you and your partner met, your life together before parenthood, etc.)

 

2. What brought you to Illume Fertility? / What made you choose us, or your doctor here?

I stopped birth control in August of 2020 and was pregnant by mid October. I couldn’t believe it happened so quickly.  Sadly that pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage at 7 weeks. I was alone in the doctor’s office because of Covid and I heard those words that no parent to be ever wants to hear, “There is no heartbeat.” I really couldn’t believe it bc the week prior there was a faint heartbeat and nobody seemed to be too concerned. My whole world crumbled that day and I lost a giant piece of my heart and soul. I took 2 doses of misoprostol to pass the pregnancy naturally which failed. I needed a D&C. Didn’t get a period for months. Scheduled an appointment at my obgyn and on ultrasound my ovaries looked polycystic. Possible PCOS but ruled out via bloodwork. But the ovaries were polycystic and I most likely wasn’t ovulating. Obgyn referred me to Ilume. I never heard of PCOS or polycystic ovaries, it was really overwhelming. I already became a 1 in 4 statistic and I couldn’t believe I was part of another new club. The 1 in 8 club is the worst club with the best members. (not sure if the stats have changed for infertility)

 

3. Walk us through your fertility treatment journey.

*I had the pleasure of working with Dr. Shaun Williams as my primary doctor. 

He was very confident that I wouldn’t need IVF and that I just needed some medical intervention to ovulate 

All the typical testing and bloodwork and one surgery as follows:

*saline ultrasound which showed scar tissue in my uterus

*He recommended a hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue in my uterus from my prior D&C. Surgery was successful and I got my period back

*tubes test (ugh, that one sucked but I don’t suggest mentioning that lol)

*I wasn’t ovulating due to the polycystic ovaries and needed medical intervention to ovulate 

*started with medicated timed intercourse ( I think it was medicated cycles? Or just based on bloodwork levels, i honestly can’t remember what was paired with the timed intercourse,  that failed so we moved on to IUIs.

*I had 3 failed IUIs. Other cycles were canceled due to me getting covid and another cycle was canceled due to producing too many eggs. Too many eggs is apparently a bad thing, who knew? That cycle being canceled really brought me down because I felt like I would be missing my opportunity to become a parent. But ultimately I trusted that the doctor’s had my best interest at heart.

 

Extra info:  I was lucky that insurance covered the first 3 IUIs. my 4th IUI was self pay. In the two week wait during my 4th cycle, I had an IVF consult because that was the next step if this cycle failed. I just want to say Dr. Williams never pressured me into IVF. He gave me the information. I really felt like my opinions mattered and were heard (doing a 4th IUI vs going right into IVF)

**this is my favorite part of my journey…I called my 4th IUI my Hail Mary round. I didn’t realize it at the time but my 4th and most likely final IUI was on 8/22/23 which is National Rainbow Baby Day. I always looked for a sign that a cycle would be successful. I never had a sign but this one was right in front of my face. I didn’t realize that my IUI was on National Rainbow Baby Day until I was almost through my 1st trimester. That gave me so much hope that I would soon be meeting my Rainbow Baby ( super high anxiety from my previous loss)

 

4. What tools did you use when things got tough?

Leaning on friends/family who were there to listen without judgment. I worked out using my Peloton bike and treadmill. Those instructors saved my sanity and helped me cope with life, it’s my version of therapy, mentally and physically. I also did meditations for relaxation. I also did acupuncture (I really believe acupuncture helped my egg quantity).

 

5. What were the hardest points in this process for you? 

*The guilt and shame I carried for so long about my body failing me. It took me a long time to forgive myself for my miscarriage and for my fertility problems. I didn’t choose infertility, infertility chose me.

*At one point I had 7 pregnant friends. I was genuinely happy for them but the pain and sadness I had for myself was something that words cannot even begin to explain.

*The unknown is the hardest.

 

6. What advice would you give others experiencing infertility?

*Don’t navigate this journey by yourself, even if your spouse/partner is supportive. It’s too heavy. Reach out to supportive friends or connect with other women on social media who are also going through infertility. I still message one friend that I connected with on Instagram during our fertility journeys. 

*Its OK to say no to a friend’s baby shower, kids bday party etc. Protect your peace, your emotional well being is more important than your attendance at an event that may trigger you

 

7. What’s next for your family? 

We are one and done! We feel so lucky to have one healthy child and we thank Ilume for helping us. 

 

Baby was born 5/11/23. Her name is Autumn 

1. Tell us about you! Any background info (i.e. where you’re from, how you and your partner met, your life together before parenthood, etc.)

 

2. What brought you to Illume Fertility? / What made you choose us, or your doctor here?

I stopped birth control in August of 2020 and was pregnant by mid October. I couldn’t believe it happened so quickly.  Sadly that pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage at 7 weeks. I was alone in the doctor’s office because of Covid and I heard those words that no parent to be ever wants to hear, “There is no heartbeat.” I really couldn’t believe it bc the week prior there was a faint heartbeat and nobody seemed to be too concerned. My whole world crumbled that day and I lost a giant piece of my heart and soul. I took 2 doses of misoprostol to pass the pregnancy naturally which failed. I needed a D&C. Didn’t get a period for months. Scheduled an appointment at my obgyn and on ultrasound my ovaries looked polycystic. Possible PCOS but ruled out via bloodwork. But the ovaries were polycystic and I most likely wasn’t ovulating. Obgyn referred me to Ilume. I never heard of PCOS or polycystic ovaries, it was really overwhelming. I already became a 1 in 4 statistic and I couldn’t believe I was part of another new club. The 1 in 8 club is the worst club with the best members. (not sure if the stats have changed for infertility)

 

3. Walk us through your fertility treatment journey.

*I had the pleasure of working with Dr. Shaun Williams as my primary doctor. 

He was very confident that I wouldn’t need IVF and that I just needed some medical intervention to ovulate 

All the typical testing and bloodwork and one surgery as follows:

*saline ultrasound which showed scar tissue in my uterus

*He recommended a hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue in my uterus from my prior D&C. Surgery was successful and I got my period back

*tubes test (ugh, that one sucked but I don’t suggest mentioning that lol)

*I wasn’t ovulating due to the polycystic ovaries and needed medical intervention to ovulate 

*started with medicated timed intercourse ( I think it was medicated cycles? Or just based on bloodwork levels, i honestly can’t remember what was paired with the timed intercourse,  that failed so we moved on to IUIs.

*I had 3 failed IUIs. Other cycles were canceled due to me getting covid and another cycle was canceled due to producing too many eggs. Too many eggs is apparently a bad thing, who knew? That cycle being canceled really brought me down because I felt like I would be missing my opportunity to become a parent. But ultimately I trusted that the doctor’s had my best interest at heart.

 

Extra info:  I was lucky that insurance covered the first 3 IUIs. my 4th IUI was self pay. In the two week wait during my 4th cycle, I had an IVF consult because that was the next step if this cycle failed. I just want to say Dr. Williams never pressured me into IVF. He gave me the information. I really felt like my opinions mattered and were heard (doing a 4th IUI vs going right into IVF)

**this is my favorite part of my journey…I called my 4th IUI my Hail Mary round. I didn’t realize it at the time but my 4th and most likely final IUI was on 8/22/23 which is National Rainbow Baby Day. I always looked for a sign that a cycle would be successful. I never had a sign but this one was right in front of my face. I didn’t realize that my IUI was on National Rainbow Baby Day until I was almost through my 1st trimester. That gave me so much hope that I would soon be meeting my Rainbow Baby ( super high anxiety from my previous loss)

 

4. What tools did you use when things got tough?

Leaning on friends/family who were there to listen without judgment. I worked out using my Peloton bike and treadmill. Those instructors saved my sanity and helped me cope with life, it’s my version of therapy, mentally and physically. I also did meditations for relaxation. I also did acupuncture (I really believe acupuncture helped my egg quantity).

 

5. What were the hardest points in this process for you? 

*The guilt and shame I carried for so long about my body failing me. It took me a long time to forgive myself for my miscarriage and for my fertility problems. I didn’t choose infertility, infertility chose me.

*At one point I had 7 pregnant friends. I was genuinely happy for them but the pain and sadness I had for myself was something that words cannot even begin to explain.

*The unknown is the hardest.

 

6. What advice would you give others experiencing infertility?

*Don’t navigate this journey by yourself, even if your spouse/partner is supportive. It’s too heavy. Reach out to supportive friends or connect with other women on social media who are also going through infertility. I still message one friend that I connected with on Instagram during our fertility journeys. 

*Its OK to say no to a friend’s baby shower, kids bday party etc. Protect your peace, your emotional well being is more important than your attendance at an event that may trigger you

 

7. What’s next for your family? 

We are one and done! We feel so lucky to have one healthy child and we thank Ilume for helping us. 

 

Baby was born 5/11/23. Her name is Autumn