When Monique Farook finally disclosed her long-held secret shame of infertility, her mother’s response was swift and stark: “Infertility? What is that?”
These were the exact words remembered by Farook, who endured six months of attempting to conceive and nearly four years persuading her husband to consider in vitro fertilisation (IVF) or other assisted reproductive technologies. After experiencing a failed intrauterine insemination (IUI) and a successful round of IVF, resulting in the birth of her now six-year-old son, Omar, Farook revealed, “I spent years suffering in silence, crying alone in the bathroom or sitting in my car.”
Farook, a 40-year-old real estate investor in Frederick, Maryland, shared her journey, a departure from the perceived norm within her family where her sister had experienced multiple healthy births. The Guardian newspaper interviewed Farook and 10 other Black mothers who candidly discussed the highs and lows of their paths to parenthood through medical interventions.
This reveals a growing trend among Black women in the US opting for various medical procedures, including surrogacy, to overcome infertility, breaking the silence surrounding the topic
In this article, we share just a few of the stories. These narratives shed light on the poignant yet beautiful aspects of their journeys while also exposing the significant shortcomings of fertility treatments and the US medical system. The Rev Dr. Stacey Edwards-Dunn, a Chicago minister and founder of Fertility for Colored Girls, a national organisation providing grants for fertility treatments, emphasised the liberating nature of sharing these stories. “Telling the story is liberating,” she said. “It opens you up to various paths—adoption, donor eggs, donor sperm, donor embryos—none of which are deficient; they’re just different. But telling the story frees us up to embrace the gift that comes.”
‘We sold our home to pay her surrogacy fees’, Gabrielle Davis, 41, Florida (Donor egg and surrogacy)
On Valentine’s Day in 2009, at the age of 26, Gabrielle Davis experienced an initial lupus flare, leading to a four-day stay in intensive care. The doctor recommended considering having a child as soon as possible. However, Gabrielle and her husband opted to postpone parenthood until they felt adequately prepared, both emotionally and financially.
When they were finally ready Gabrielle’s kidneys were operating at only 4% of her capacity. Despite being on dialysis, Gabrielle and her husband persisted in attempting to conceive, a blend of faith, foolishness, determination, and a desperate defiance of the odds stacked against them. During the final appointment at a local fertility clinic, the reality became stark. The medical professionals did not mince words; there were no more eggs, and there wouldn’t be any more. Lupus had also attacked the reproductive system.
The generous woman who became their surrogate was volunteered by her husband, a friend of Gabrielle’s husband, swiftly and without her prior knowledge. Nevertheless, over dinner with the couple, she agreed to help. To finance the surrogacy, they had to sell their home. It was a challenging mental and emotional task to accept another woman carrying their child, receiving all the attention. Gabrielle underwent extensive therapy to convey to their son and themselves that, although there was no biological connection, they were spiritually bound.
‘He treated me like a number’ Cherí Michelle Rushing, 41, Nevada (Four rounds of IVF)
