Deal breakers in a relationship are the long term qualities, behaviors, and values someone displays that do not align with your own views, values, and long term desires, according to licensed psychotherapist Babita Spinelli. In other words, she says, they’re our “non-negotiables,” or the specific things we absolutely will not tolerate in a relationship.

“There are an individual’s unique dealbreakers that are specific to what you want personally, and there are red flag dealbreakers that are violations, such as physical abuse, verbal and emotional abuse, and substance abuse,” Spinelli adds.

Typically, though, the most common deal breakers fall within the categories of finances, children, roles in the relationship, beliefs, communication patterns, sex drives, career aspirations, and location, Spinelli tells mindbodygreen.

And it’s essential to get clear on what your deal breakers are before you commit to someone, because while all relationships require some compromise, “it’s important to understand whether the compromise feels mutual or could lead to resentment,” Spinelli notes.