How To Stop Being Jealous In Relationships: 11 Steps



Some people may be more prone to jealousy than others, according to licensed mental health counselor Nicole Ellen, LCMHC. “Psychological factors that may lead to jealous reactions may include low self-esteem, anxiety, moodiness, depression, possessiveness, fear of abandonment, codependency, and anxious attachment style,” she says. If you’re sensitive to betrayal, rejection, or deal with trust issues, jealousy may become amplified as well. 

According to a 2022 study1 in Frontiers in Psychology, both personality and attachment styles are important predictors of jealousy. High neuroticism, for instance—one of the Big Five personality traits—is consistently linked to higher jealousy, and anxious attachment—which can involve insecurity, feelings of inadequacy, and fear of abandonment—can also contribute. 

Licensed counselor Greg Cheney, Ph.D., says that past life experiences matter, too. “Those who have experienced significant relationships as untrustworthy and unreliable may feel insecure in their relationships,” he explains. For example, research shows1 that people who have experienced sexual infidelity from a current or past partner report higher levels of jealousy. 

Jealousy can also sometimes be a sign that your needs or desires aren’t being met, according to California-based licensed marriage and family therapist Kaylin Zabienski, LMFT. “I teach my clients that jealousy is an indicator of something that is missing in your life…something that you deeply crave,” she says. “For example, if you are jealous that your partner spends too much time with their friends, maybe you don’t feel like you are getting enough attention or the connection that you want in your relationship.” Or if you’re jealous of someone’s fancy house or car, you may feel insecure about your financial means in some way.



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