Ian Stones, male fertility ambassador and co-director of testhimltd gives us his coping techniques for getting through Father’s Day if it is a day you fear or struggle with
It’s that time of year again. As if day to day life isn’t challenging enough when you’re struggling to start a family what with pregnancy announcements, baby showers, kid’s birthday parties and so much more. Then along comes a National Day of Celebration of being a dad.
For some guys this is a real kick when things are already feeling a bit too much.
It’s worth noting that not everyone enjoys these days and that’s ok. Many people will be facing Father’s Day without their dad for the 1st time, some may have bad relationships with their father and some will be grieving about the fact that they’re yet to become a dad.
Whatever Father’s Day is for you, if you’re struggling, then that’s ok and it’s important to acknowledge that it may be a bit of a pants day for you!
How to cope
One of the best things is to probably lie low, stay out of the way and just do what feels right for you.
TV and social media will be packed with adverts about what to buy for the perfect father’s day present. You can guarantee that social media algorithms won’t take into account that not all middle-aged men want Father’s Day adverts pushed their way.
However, in an amazing turn of events I saw the best email ever from Sainsbury’s. It’s not often that I get excited by emails from my chosen supermarket however this one definitely made me a happy man. They emailed giving me the ability to “opt out” of Father’s Day emails. AMAZING, well-done Sainsbury’s. Let’s hope many other companies cotton on to considered and thoughtful marketing.
In the lead up to Father’s Day try and take a break from social media and then make sure you have something nice planned for the day itself, just don’t make that a restaurant booking.
Personally, I do all I can to avoid restaurants and pubs on these days. You just know they’re going to be ram packed which certainly won’t add to the enjoyment of a nice meal. It’s a huge family day for a lot of people and if that’s going to make things hard for you then it’s best to avoid it where you can.
Plan something nice with your partner and take the day to disengage from life as best as you can. Perhaps a nice walk, a spa day or whatever it is that makes you both happy as a couple. Of course, if you have your own family commitments then that’s fair enough, you may need to show your face.
Honesty
Speaking up and being honest can be incredibly hard but can bring relief when it comes to challenging situations. Just saying to someone that you’re finding things hard and that you’re going to be laying low should be ok and can be an incredibly powerful stance to take.
Being honest with your partner is important too. It’s ok to admit that things are tough. Many men attempt to stay strong for their partner which often means squashing their emotions down with a fear that they can’t put more onto their partner. Ironically this is one of the least helpful approaches as women feel frustrated that their partner isn’t speaking with them.
Sharing your thoughts and emotions will actually make a massive difference to your relationship and will help you deal with whatever is going on.
Ultimately it’s important to acknowledge how you feel about these sorts of days and be honest with yourself and with others.
Then it’s down to you to find the best way to cope but talking with your partner to find ways to cope together can be hugely beneficial.
Keep in touch with Ian by following him on Instagram – @ian_stones
Let’s talk balls and sperm – The Toby and Ian male support group for FNUK
