The biggest learning from my conversations with people in the midst of or on the other side of their menopause transition was this: Their ability to navigate the experience was defined less by the symptoms and emotions they encountered than by how well-resourced they were. Resourced here doesn’t mean that they had money, though that is helpful; it’s about having a network of people in your life who keep you feeling connected and supported through the ups and downs—the folks who are committed to being there for you even when they don’t understand exactly what you’re going through.

It’s the partner who hears you out about not feeling your sexiest. Instead of insisting that you are, they tell you that, although that’s their experience of you, they can imagine how crummy seeing yourself that way must feel. They ask what, if anything, they can do to support you. It’s the group of friends you do happy hour with each week who hear you’re taking a break from alcohol and do a little legwork to find bars and restaurants with great non-alcoholic cocktails, making sure you will have choices that are more fun than a fizzy water. It’s the doctor who makes you feel accompanied in subtle ways, like saying when they talk about your treatment options, “We are going to figure out how to get you some relief from your symptoms. Let me just run through what I heard when you described what’s going on so we know that we’re not missing anything.”