Can you really be happy, if you're sad? TTC Warrior Sarah shares her

Emotional Support

Can you really be happy, if you’re sad? TTC Warrior Sarah shares her thoughts

IVF babble reader and TTC Warrior Sarah Huston shares her deepest thoughts with us.

I’m so happy… but I’m also really sad. Can you really be happy, if you’re sad? People that don’t know everything about me will assume I have a perfect life. And yes they are right, to a degree. I have my health, a close family, a loving husband, a dream career, my own home, my own car, my own money. But not everything that I wanted I got.

I wanted to be a mum.

I wanted my husband to be a dad.

I wanted our mums to be a nanny.

I wanted our dads to be a grandad.

I wanted to create and birth life.

I wanted a baby.

I openly talk about my struggles, my story and my journey, but I rarely talk about my feelings that cut deep within my heart.

A friend spoke freely to me this week, her words were ” when I look at you, I see sadness.” This totally took me by surprise, and I really had to sit, allow these words to land. What I realised was actually, she was right. It’s so true, I’ve always been too afraid to say these words, but I am, I’m sad.

I’m sad for myself.

I’m sad for my husband.

I’m sad for our family.

I’m sad for loosing 8 years to infertility.

I’m sad our friendship groups reduced.(You don’t get invites to children’s parties when you don’t have your own children.)

I’m sad we had to go through years of fertility treatment while my mother in law tried as hard as she could to fight cancer.

I’m sad my husband had to go through 2 traumatic events side by side.

I’m sad I couldn’t plan anything fun in advance incase I got pregnant.

I’m sad people turn way when they ask me how many children I have.

I’m sad I feel ashamed.

I’m sad I feel lost.

I’m sad I lost my embryo.

I’m sad for the past, and I’m sad for the future.

I’m sad that everyday infertility hangs over my head, not all day every day, but parts of every day will have moments of “will I ever be a mum”.

I don’t want to be negative, and live in doom and gloom. I have so much abundance and happiness that I am grateful for. But I do feel very lost and sad about having infertility.

I fear saying this out loud, because people’s reactions hurt me, not intentionally, but if things are said out loud in the open, then it means that it’s true, and I’m not sure my heart can cope with that.

But I am so happy.

I am happy in my marriage.

I am happy in new job.

I have been taken to the depths of darkness and come out the other end.

I have put mental and physical health through so much, with nothing to show for it but 14 extra pounds that will not budge and a hole in our bank account where several thousands of pounds once resided.. but I’m very proud of my strength.

I’m happy I survived the pain and heartache.

I’m happy I have met some incredible women that have scooped me up off the floor when I was at my lowest.

I’m happy I found my soul.

I’m happy I found a faith.

I’m happy and at peace that I understand my body now.

I’m happy I’ve made new friends who understand me.

I’m happy I’ve learnt new skills and I’m building a new career for myself.

I’m happy….

So how can I feel this sad, but feel happy for so many things in my life? Can you really be happy, if you’re sad?

Sarah

Do you feel the same way? Are you happy and sad at the same time? If you would like to share your thoughts, drop us a line at mystory@ivfbabble.com.

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Wanda Doty

Hi there! My husband and I are on our path to parenthood, and after facing the challenges of infertility, I decided to become a fertility coach and concierge. Our journey has inspired me to support others who may be experiencing something similar. While we're still on this road ourselves, I wanted to share our story and be a source of encouragement for those navigating their own paths to parenthood. Let’s take this journey together!